We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
