I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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