I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize