Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
is that a dick in a sweater?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
