I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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