i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
