So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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