Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
