When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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