can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
