i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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