smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Someone came in the potted fern
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize