with your own penis?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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