i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
