They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
