I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
