I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize