I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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