and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
50% drunk capacity currently
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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