he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
