I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
