FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
