She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
