chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
