Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
