I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
