Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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