i just wanna soil my oats bro
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
