If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
