You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
