you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
whose ass print is on the piano?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
