Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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