I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize