Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
