dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
