i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
