yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
