The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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