Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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