I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
