hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
