i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
