we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
she pinky promised me she was 18
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
