I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
