woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
