I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize