Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
