Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
