Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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