I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
