If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
