I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize