The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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