This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
this will be a night to untag.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
