ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
