can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Your dad touched me again.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
