All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
