i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Let's get the cat blown out
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
