someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
