Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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