fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
