Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
