If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
