You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
