Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
