I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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