uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
