Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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