hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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