last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Randomize
