Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
