I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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