i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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