Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
