my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
