She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
