some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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