do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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