we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
