Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize