i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
