He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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