i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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