Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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