I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
