none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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