Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
