Yo dont text me then not text me
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
