he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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