Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
