are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
