Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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