Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
