meet me or not, i'm out of control
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
