Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
