Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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