a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
