3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
