Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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