...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
