Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
