Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
