Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
