She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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