very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
