Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize