i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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