Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
