i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
How external is "for external use only"?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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