Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
