i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
