lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
