My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
