Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
